


Closing A Door, Opening A Window

by Baamon5evr



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Feels, Dehumanization, F/M, bucky loves natasha a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-12 00:01:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4457576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baamon5evr/pseuds/Baamon5evr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But he is not human, he is a weapon, he is a fist, a gun, a high powered rifle, he’s whatever they tell him to be and human was never on that list.<br/>And yet…<br/>Sometimes…<br/>There are times with her, with Natalia, where he doesn’t feel like he’s been forged in metal and ice so that he may further the Motherland’s cause. With her he feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Closing A Door, Opening A Window

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this drabble during Buckynat week. It's posted to tumblr but I figured I'd post it on AO3 too.

They don’t talk to him. They don’t even possess names, he just knows them as ‘they’. They come, work on his metal apparatus, make sure he is combat effective (and he always is) and then leave, slamming the heavy metal door to his designated quarters shut. They don’t talk to him, they talk over him or above him, if he’s lucky they’ll talk at him but they never talk _to_ him. No one ever really does except for Natalia but something tells him it wasn’t always so, just like he knows that Yakov isn’t his name any more than the Asset is. It’s a name not a designation or a title so he takes it, not that he has a choice. Yet he knows it isn’t his name because he can see in his mind an older woman with blue eyes much like his calling him something different. There’s also a blonde boy, no man he’s a man but he’s so small and--

_you have to protect him, you gotta look out, til the end of the line, you just gotta look out for him Bu—_

He cuts the line of thought off and the image of a sickly looking blonde woman who looks a lot like the small man that accompanies it. The two blondes and a young brunette girl with the same blue eyes as him call him something else other than what the first older woman does but it’s not as clear as what she calls him. That woman who he can recall smiling at him with so much affection and flicking his ear and scolding him but kissing his forehead and holding him close and saying she loved him and going to bed hungry so he could eat. If he were human he might think that woman was his mother. But he is not human, he is a weapon, he is a fist, a gun, a high powered rifle, he’s whatever they tell him to be and human was never on that list.

And yet…

Sometimes…

There are times with her, with Natalia, where he doesn’t feel like he’s been forged in metal and ice so that he may further the Motherland’s cause. With her he _feels_. He feels things, not just the sexual reactions that come with this flesh and muscle body. He’s done what he must, what he’s been ordered, even if it means using this body to lure some unwitting man or woman into his superiors’ clutches. It’s of little consequence because this body is not his own, the doctors have spoken it to each other enough that it’s just a fact now. This body is a mask, a way to fool the enemy into thinking he was human. In reality he was a weapon uploaded to a body that didn’t belong to him. But the things Natalia made him feel were different. Things that made his heart beat fast and leap just looking at her, things that made him eagerly look forward to the next time he sees her. Things that made him want stupid things, like a life away from Russia with her but that was a foolish childish notion. They were ultimately weapons and weapons had no place in the world but to be wielded by those who knew better. However, if there was ever a weapon that could wield itself, she could do it. She was amazing in that way.

His muscles tensed a bit as the one working on his arm got his tool a bit too deep into tender flesh. He didn’t acknowledge it and Yakov betrayed no discomfort to him. The doctor fiddled a bit longer before he closed the hatch to the arm. They silently gathered their tools and unceremoniously ripped a multitude of wires from his body before they filed out the door, slamming it behind them. His insides always leaped at the loud sound, always seized in a bit of anxiety as he listened to the locks slide into place not long after. There were five of them, all heavy duty, but he stilled himself. He could get through it with the right motivation. 

He slid from the chair he sat in for them and threw a sheet over it. Staring at it troubled him. He crawled into the bed, laid on his back and started counting back from 1000 in his head. When he got to 243 he heard the small window in his room open. He was too big to get through it but she was one of the smallest agents they had here, she could fit into most tight spaces. He sat up, an involuntary smile on his face as he watched her jump into the room with the usual grace and elegance that accompanied every move she made.

He often wondered about her.

She was an anomaly. She was all hard edges but could smile at him with a softness that he could tell was different than the spider’s smile. She could kill with the same beauty and grace of a ballerina’s dance. She could manipulate the best of them but she never tried it on him. Him, who was arguably her best target. He’d be able to tell if she was trying to spin her web around him, he’d train the widows for a while after-all, he would need to know their tricks to be effective. He wondered why she didn’t lie to him but he liked it.

He got up to meet her as she turned, long vibrant red hair swinging everywhere. She had a smile on her face as well.

“Yakov.” He went to her, he always did when she called no matter what name or title she used. She ran her fingers against his face before pulling him down to kiss her and he thought he could watch the whole republic fall to ash and ruin if it meant he could keep this. He’d fight to wield himself if he could do it with her. He’d listen to 1000 doors slam shut if Natalia would always open the window 12 minutes later.


End file.
